forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
