dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
