I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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