You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
