i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
