he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
