Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
