So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
