Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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