Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
