I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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