Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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