There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
