So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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