haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
