Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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