So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
