i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
