So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
