Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
They took my balls.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
