Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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