whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
