ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
