I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
