why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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