I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need moral support for this bender
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
