Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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