Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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