I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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