His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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