my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
