Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My balls are so social today.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
