i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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