Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
