thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
