I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
