whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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