New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
