and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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