Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i out mim tonsoeep
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
