After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
