Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
