You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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