i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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