shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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