after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
