Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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