Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
