i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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