The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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