It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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