Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
