did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
