Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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