She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
