Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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