By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
